Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Good morning crew,

It looks like it will be warming up again this weekend. 50 degrees in January. I don't know if it's global warming, but I do know it's barbequing weather.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button... 'Like' Deal of the Day Here

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One of the first things you learn on your honeymoon is, when you're carrying your bride over the threshold, always go in sideways -- unless of course two broken ankles and a concussion turn you on.

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The government will be requiring new food labels that are more specific. Products will now be labeled, no fat, low fat, reduced fat and fat, but great personality.

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"I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on." -Beryl Pfizer, American journalist

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Why do men die first?

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know...

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race... you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework... you're a pansy.

If you work too hard... there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough... you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay... this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her... that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you... it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks... it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet... it's male indifference.

If you cry ... you're a wimp.
If you don't... you're insensitive.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear...you're a pervert.
If you don't... you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape...you're sexist.
If you don't ... you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape... you're vain.
If you don't... you're a slob.

If she has a headache... she's tired.
If you have a headache... you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often... you're oversexed.
If you don't... there must be someone else.

Bottom Line... Men die first because they want to.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I was in my wills and trusts course when the professor posed this question to the students: Why do people choose to have their children, rather than their siblings, inherit their estate?

After students offered various theories, one fellow raised his hand. "This may be a bit off the point," he said, "but when I was little, when my brother and sister finished playing with me, they would put me into a drawer."