Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Good morning crew,

Last week the weather was in the 40s and this week we are flirting with 90. That has made sleeping a real struggle, especially when all the hot air in the house seems to funnel right up into the bedroom.

Last night was the hottest so far. Even when the outside air got down to about 75 degrees it was still 82 in the bedroom.

So at about 2 in the morning, after spending four hours staring at the ceiling and panting, I finally abandoned the wife (who seemed to be snoozing away contentedly) and that filthy, little animal who can't bear being more than five feet away from her, and made my way downstairs into the basement with the spiders and the silverfish to sleep on my old futon.

It worked, anyway. The temperature is about 8 or 10 degrees cooler in the basement than it is upstairs and I was able to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep before I had to be up for work.

And the silverfish are almost as companionable as the mutt, and tend to bite less.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"There was a brief security scare yesterday when some party balloons drifted over the White House fence. The White House staff were pretty worried, especially when they saw Obama tying those balloons to a lawn chair." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A new study has found that beautiful people have totally different life experiences from the rest of you. I'm sorry, I meant the rest of us." -Conan O'Brien

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"Papa John's salads were among several hundred products recalled for listeria contamination this weekend. Said a spokesman for Papa John's, 'We have salads?'" -Seth Meyers

***
A woman was in court charged with the attempted murder of her husband.

"But why did you stab him over a hundred times?" asked the judge.

"Oh, your Honor," replied the defendant, "It wasn't my fault. didn't know how to switch off the electric carving knife!"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb.

About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.

About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch.

Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.

Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mommy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?"