Friday, January 15, 2016

Good morning crew,

Payday! Thank goodness. After dropping 800 bucks on a truck repair right before Christmas, I ended up blowing more than I expected on New Year's Eve too (that's what happens when people keep buying drinks for me on MY OWN tab...a neat trick if you can get away with it).

So the last couple weeks have been really tight. I have barely set foot out of the house.

But now that I finally have some lucre in my pockets again I thought I'd splurge a little bit on the wife, but she told me she is going to be pet sitting all weekend.

So it looks like pizza and beer with the mutt. I hope the dog likes sausage, mushrooms and onions. Living large is over-rated anyway.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A Florida man was arrested for throwing potato salad at a nail salon. During his arrest, he said, 'I've been drinking and taking Xanax. What do you expect me to do?' Well, not that, although I do sympathize. When I was trying to give up carbs, I once threw a bowl of spaghetti at a karate studio." -James Corden

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"A company is developing an elevator that can take you into space. Don't you hate it when you're going to Jupiter and someone gets on the elevator and presses 'Mars'?" -Conan O'Brien

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"A New Jersey restaurant is offering a special menu this month that doesn't list prices, but instead asks customers to pay what they think is fair. According to the sign in the window, the restaurant is called 'This Space for Rent.'" -Seth Meyers

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A 17-year-old girl came home with five job applications. She carefully filled them out, and later asked her mother to look them over.

All the answers were clear and concise and she noticed that on all five applications, under "Previous Employment", she had listed "Baby-sitting".

But then she read, under "Reason for Leaving" her daughter had answered, "Parents came home."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Bad weather meant I was stuck overnight at O'Hare airport in Chicago. Along with hotel accommodations, the airline issued each passenger a $10 meal ticket, or "chit." That evening after dinner I presented my meal ticket to the cashier.

"Is this chit worth $10?" I asked.

Looking up nervously, the cashier responded, "I'm sorry, sir. Was the meal that bad?"