Monday, September 7, 2015

Good morning crew,

Happy Labor Day everybody! To celebrate the holiday I have decided to unionize my house. The wife immediately demanded shorter hours, she wants a landscaping service to take care of the lawn and she wants one more 'date night' per month.

I had to refuse pretty much all of that, so she went on strike. She's out on the lawn marching right now.

I tried to take the garbage out this morning and she threw a bottle at me and called me a scab.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It's perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun." -Conan O'Brien

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"A new study found that eating healthy adds $380 to your grocery bill every year. Or as Americans put it, 'Cool, I saved $380 this year!'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"President Barack Obama, was in Alaska yesterday where he did one of those things presidents have to do--he joined in for some traditional eskimo dancing at a local middle school. Nobody wins in a situation like that." -Jimmy Kimmel

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The teacher in an adult Sabbath class asked a woman to read about the Israelites wandering in the desert.

"The Lord heard you when you wailed, 'If only we had meat to eat!'" she began. "Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month - until you loathe it."

When the woman finished she paused, looked up and said, "Hey, isn't that the Atkins diet?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims to the whole table, "What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"

He walks away, but moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and when 36 came up she just fainted!"