Monday, July 2, 2012

Good morning crew,

Guess who's back? Yes, I actually survived two weeks in Hawaii, but it was a near thing. I'll tell you more about those adventures later. From what I hear I missed two weeks of brutal heat including a couple record-breaking days here in the midwest. Dodged that bullet. Fortunately today is is a nice, balmy 92 degrees. Hopefully it won't get much warmer than this for the big July 4th bash at Cousin Kaz's.

Just when I thought I was out the partying pulls me back in!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"New York had the warmest May on record. It's so hot these days that the ice at the oyster bar is shrinking at an alarming rate." -David Letterman

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"A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A wiseguy named Jimmy the Weasel in the witness protection program kept committing crimes so they kicked him out of the program. Who could've predicted that you couldn't trust a guy called 'The Weasel.'" -Craig Ferguson

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Micah and Steve, two good ole boys from South Carolina, were sittin' on the front porch drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by.

"I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery," said Micah.

"Do what?" asked Steve.

"Send my grass out to be mowed," answered Micah.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My wife was screaming at me: "Leave! Get out of this house!" she ordered.

As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

So I turned around and replied, "So now you want me to stay?"