Monday, January 28, 2013

Good morning crew,

I felt like I was back in college this past weekend. The wife took me downtown to see a friend of hers perform in his band, but preceding that we made a stop at Uberstein for a couple 48-ounce mugs of delicious, foamy Hoffbrau.

By the time we got to the bar where the band was performing they could have been playing the Canadian national anthem on kazoos and I would have cheered.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A survey found that 61 percent of people are more afraid of outliving their money than dying. The other 39 percent have already outlived their money and have faked their own death to avoid creditors." -Jay Leno

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"Wal-Mart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Wal-Mart is going to invade Costco." -Conan O'Brien

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"Cirque du Soleil just announced that it is cutting 400 jobs. So on the downside, hundreds of clowns will lose their jobs. But on the bright side, it'll free up, like, two spaces in the parking lot." -Jimmy Fallon

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My father and I belong to the religion of Sikhism. We both wear the traditional turban and often encounter strange comments and questions. Once, in a restaurant, a child stared with amazement at my father. She finally got the courage to ask, "Are you a genie?"

Her mother, caught off guard, turned red in the face and apologized for the remark. But my dad took no offense and decided to humor the child.

He replied, "Why, yes I am. I can grant you three wishes."

The child's mother blurted out, "Really?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site:

"He swept the rug under the carpet."
"She's burning the midnight oil at both ends."
"It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire."
"It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard."
"She's robbing Peter to pay the piper."
"He's up a tree without a paddle."
"Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water."
"Keep your ear to the grindstone."
"Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb."
"Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter."