Friday, June 12, 2015

Good morning crew,

We have been getting a lot of rain here in the Chicagoland area recently. A lot. And more is coming. In fact, thunderstorms are forecast for every single day next week. Maybe it's global warming.

I guess it's good for my lawn, but it is starting to interfere with my social schedule. I am supposed to go to the Second Annual Lombard Craft Ale Fest tomorrow, but it is an outdoor venue and I do not want to stand around in a deluge for four hours just to drink over-priced beer some guys probably brewed in their garage.

I'd rather stand in some guy's garage and drink cheap beer if it means staying dry.

Just as long as there is beer involved!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Starbucks may be phasing out cappuccinos after customers began to notice that they've disappeared from some stores across the country. Starbucks plans to focus on its best-selling menu items: milkshakes disguised as coffee." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A Nobel Prize-winning scientist was asked about female scientists, and he said, 'Three things happen when they are in the lab: You fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, and when you criticize them, they cry.' His funeral is Saturday." -Conan O'Brien

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"The biggest blockbuster of the summer is coming out, and it stars Barack Obama. It's a Disney picture called 'Honey, I Shrunk the Economy.'" -Seth Meyers

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A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, "Me and Janie next door are gonna get married!"

"Oh?" says the mother, amused. "And how old is Janie?"

"Six," replies the boy.

"Well," says the father, "what are you going to do for money?"

"I get 5 dollars a week allowance," says the son, "and Janie gets 2. We figured that if we put them together, we'll be okay."

"I see," says the father. "But what are you going to do if you have any children?"

"Well," says the boy, "so far we've been lucky."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $10,000. The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, "This situation is right here in the fire schedule rating table.

The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?"