Friday, September 4, 2015

Good morning crew,

It's the last hurrah of summer, the Labor Day weekend, and I will be doing my best to make the most of it. Saturday old Mason is having a cookout at his new house, and then Sunday is the big Fall Fest out here in Frankfort.

I'm a little nervous about Fall Fest. In addition to food and drinking and music they also have a huge arts and crafts fair, and now that the wife has a house to decorate she is itching to blow some huge amount of cash on something extravagant and ridiculous.

I still haven't been able to convince her that a new roof and sump pump count at decorations.

What about the serenity that the simplicity of bare walls inspires in the soul?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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When our ship stopped in the Atlantic Ocean for a 'swim call,' the chief boatswain noticed how nervous I was. "Don't worry," he assured me. "You are never more than three miles from land." Then he added, "Straight down."

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The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

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When we decided to sell our house, we nailed "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long, the doorbell rang. "How much do you want for the trees?" a young man asked.

***
Pauly walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?"

Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!"

The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round.

Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"

The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!"

Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text;

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

He replied, "I am in the bathroom. Please advise."