Monday, September 6, 2010
Good morning crew,
I hope everybody enjoyed their long weekend...and you're
nice relaxing summer, because it's over now. The holidays
are coming up and that's when everybody starts to lose
their minds. So get in whatever relaxing you can now.
I'll fill you in on the weekend later.
Laugh it up,
Joe
mailto:joe@gophercentral.com
P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters
from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in
between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at
the bottom of the page!
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"A recent study has found that more senior citizens than
ever are entering college. College faculty says that the
seniors are like any other students...except they take
Jell-O shots just for the Jell-O." --Conan O'Brien
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"Firefighters are working around the clock to control fires
here in California. I hate to say it, but this is what we
get for making forests out of wood." -Jimmy Kimmel
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"In New York, the Health Department has starting putting up
anti-soda posters throughout the city, showing 'pure liquid
fat' being poured into a glass. People have been really
affected by the ads, they're going into stores and saying,
'Hey do you have that new all-fat soda? That stuff looks
great.'" -Jimmy Fallon
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English professors love to catch the errors students make
in their term papers, and they love nothing better than
to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of
Calvin College English department collected this list of
mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site:
"He swept the rug under the carpet."
"She's burning the midnight oil at both ends."
"It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket
on the fire."
"It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard."
"She's robbing Peter to pay the piper."
"He's up a tree without a paddle."
"Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water."
"Keep your ear to the grindstone."
"Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb."
"Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a
knife slicing through butter."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
At a posh Manhattan dinner party, a Latin American visitor
was telling the guests about this home country and himself.
As he concluded, he said, "And I have a charming and
understanding wife but, alas, no children."
As his listeners appeared to be waiting for him to continue,
he said, haltingly, "You see, my wife is unbearable."
Puzzled glances prompted him to try to clarify the matter:
"What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable."
As his companions seemed amused, he floundered deeper into
the intricacies of the English language, explaining
triumphantly, "That is, my wife, she is impregnable!"
____________________________________________________________
WHAT DID THE BUDDHIST SAY TO THE HOTDOG VENDOR?
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