Monday, December 30, 2013

Good morning crew,

Has everyone recovered from their holiday festivities? Take a breather while you have the chance because it's not over yet. The big one is tomorrow.

I haven't hammered out any final plans yet, but I'll let you know what kind of trouble I have planned next week. Hopefully it will involve lots of expensive champagne, lots of expensive cigars, lots of expensive food and lots of expensive women.

Be safe, be careful, enjoy your holiday and I'll talk to you all next year!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!

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"When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer." --Dave Barry

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"You ever have somebody owe you money, and have the nerve to wear new clothes around you? Brand-new clothes, and they point them out, like, 'Hey, look what I just picked up!' 'Well, did you see my money while you were down there?'" --Chris Rock

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"If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop. They're trained for that." -Milton Jones

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Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument.

"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.

"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.

"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us."

The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"

"That's right," he called back, "two pints."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I was setting up a large, cast aluminum, decorative sundial in my yard that I had purchased from a garden catalog.

A neighbor, an old Florida cracker, was leaning on the fence watching my progress and asked, "What the heck's that for?"

I explained, "It's a sun dial, see the sun will hit that small triangular spike and cast a shadow on the face of the sundial. Then, as the sun moves across the sky, the shadow also moves across the calibrated dial, enabling a person to determine the correct time."

My neighbor shook his head and muttered,. "Huh! Well what will they think of next?"