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Friday, September 23, 2016

Good morning crew,

[Speaking of memorable vacations, following is a little adventure from our weekender in Las Vegas in 2013.]

Our second day in Las Vegas we dedicated to being tourists. That involved a lot of walking around, and mostly what there is to walk around in Las Vegas is casinos.

They are worth looking at, too. We cruised the Cosmopolitan, Caesar's Palace, the Flamingo and Bellagio, and every one was grander and more opulent than the last. Of course, it is almost impossible to wander through these monuments to gaming without testing one's luck. At least it was for me and the wife.

I was having pretty good luck, too. Not retirement money, but it seemed like wherever I stopped I made a few bucks. For example, as we were walking through Bellagio the wife espied a casino war table.

Never having seen this game before I walked up to the dealer who was standing alone, and honestly looked like she could use somebody to talk to, and asked her how the game is played.

"It's high card, sir," she deadpanned, demonstrating that I have no idea how to read peoples' looks.

"Well, with an invitation like that how can I not invest 50 bucks in a tutorial?" I said, and got a stack of chips.

I put down $10 and she dealt me a jack and herself a seven and gave me ten dollars. Then she stared at me.

I looked at my wife, back at the dealer, shrugged and put down another $10. The dealer sighed, checked her watch, then dealt me a 10 and herself a 2 and gave me ten dollars.

"So, you just give me money, then?" I asked.

"So far, sir."

So I put down another $10, she dealt two cards and gave me another ten bucks.

"I'm afraid I can't take this excitement," I said after that, picking up my chips, "but thanks for the lesson."

And so it went.

Later in the afternoon we met back up with Val and his wife to discover they were having a bit of their own luck.

I joined Val at the craps table and played along while he threw about 8 winning rolls in a row.

It is definitely intoxicating to be in a casino when you are on a winning streak, and it didn't matter what we touched.

I sat down at a blackjack table and in the second hand the dealer gave me a pair of tens. Normally a player would stand on a pair of tens all day long, but the dealer was showing a bust card and with the stack of chips I took away from the craps table I was feeling cocky, so I split them.

The first card up was an ace. Blackjack! The next card up was another I split them again. My second hand was a 19, so I stayed, but on my third hand I got the dreaded 12. What to do? Veteran players will tell you to stand against a bust card, even with a 12, but I am no veteran. So I hit.

An ace. Now I am in a tough spot because a 13 is still a rotten hand, but my chance of getting a bust card on the next flip just went way up. So, of course, I hit, and got an 8. That's right, a 4-card 21.

By the time we had to break for dinner I don't mind saying I was feeling pretty expansive, which might have been a bit premature because when all was said and done I had really only won about $500. But I had the prospect of an excellent meal at the Las Vegas Hofbrauhaus in front of me and nothing was going to dim my optimism that night.

But that's a story for next time.

Laugh it up,


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"A new study says we should change how we feed cows so they don't produce so much of the greenhouse gas methane. First up, they recommend eliminating taco night." -Conan O'Brien


"A guacamole-themed restaurant is set to open in New York on Friday, and it already turned brown." -Seth Meyers


"A school in Tennessee is facing criticism for separating students with bad grades from students with good grades at lunch. Thats crazy! You dont use grades to separate kids. Everyone knows that kids should be separated by clothes, looks, and how much money their parents make." -Jimmy Fallon


I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'

When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.

"Just where do you think you going?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I said.

She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: "Thanks for putting up with me. So long."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Years of smoking finally caught up with my friend John one morning when he keeled over at work, clutching his heart. He was rushed to a hospital and peppered with questions.

"Do you smoke?" asked a paramedic.

"No," John whispered. "I quit."

"That's good. When did you quit?"

"Around 9:30 this morning."

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