Thursday, November 1, 2012

Good morning crew,

Welcome to November, folks. My Halloween was pretty anti-climactic. It is hard to get into too much trouble when the holiday falls in the middle of the week and I don't get the day off. Plus, my condo complex is private, which means no trick-or-treaters, so I didn't even get to sit on my balcony and fire bite-sized candies at little kids with a sling shot.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"You know what Portland has lot of? Microbreweries. I think they are like regular breweries, but only serve midgets." -Craig Ferguson

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"A new study found that eating healthy adds $380 to your grocery bill every year. Or as Americans put it, 'Cool, I saved $380 this year!'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"A team of British engineers have developed a car that runs on human waste. I'll bet that new car smell doesn't last very long." -Jay Leno

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'Writing: For the Sell of It' was the theme of our community college's annual writers' conference. When I called a widely published author and asked him to be our keynote speaker, my request was met with a long silence. He finally said, "I don't know what I would say to that audience."

"You're just being modest," I replied. "I'm sure you're extremely qualified to speak on that subject."

He suddenly broke into laughter. "I thought you said, 'Writing for the Celibate!'"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A New York retail clerk was suffering from aching feet. "It's all those years of standing," his doctor declared. "You need a vacation. Go to Miami, soak your feet in the ocean and you'll feel better."

When the man got to Florida, he went into a hardware store, bought two large buckets and headed for the beach.

"How much for two buckets of that seawater?" he asked the lifeguard.

"A dollar a bucket," the fellow replied with a straight face.

The clerk paid him, filled his buckets, went to his hotel room and soaked his feet. They felt so much better he decided to repeat the treatment that afternoon. Again he handed the lifeguard two dollars. The young man took the money and said, "Help yourself."

The clerk started for the water, then stopped in amazement. The tide was out. "Wow," he said, turning to the lifeguard. "Some business you got here!"