Monday, July 18, 2016

Good morning crew,

The kids at the Dunking Doughnuts are confusing me again. I was standing in line there the other morning when the young girl at the register asked me, "Do you have any drinks?"

It wasn't my turn, but frequently, if there is a line, the cashier will jump ahead to the next person to get their order started while the person at the register is paying.

Personally I appreciate this system since standing in line is one of the things I truly hate in this world.

Anyway, she asked me if I have any drinks, and looking down at the crumpled up 5 dollar bill in my hand I answered, "No, I don't have any drinks."

So the guy in front of me finished paying, got his coffee and left, and when I stepped up to the register the girl asked me, "What would you like?"

I said, "I'll have a coffee with cream and sugar."

She gave me an exasperated snort and said, "Didn't you just say you don't have any drinks?"

I explained her, "I don't have any drinks. YOU have all the drinks. I have money. When I give it to you then I'll have a drink. If I already had a drink I wouldn't be in here standing in a line."

She just stared at me for a few seconds, and since I could already feel the people in line behind me fidgeted impatiently I relented and asked again meekly, "Can I just have a coffee, please?"

But this degradation of the language is worrying me. I'm afraid eventually I won't be able to understand anything anybody says to me. At least not in the coffee shop.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A 94-year-old man from Indiana just became the oldest person to get a six degree black belt in taekwondo. While nobody has the heart to tell him the wooden board he chopped through was just a graham cracker." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"The game Pokemon Go is actually making people visit remote, potentially dangerous areas. On the bright side, they finally found a way to get people to attend the Rio Olympics." -Conan O'Brien

***
"A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day lose more weight than women that don't drink at all. At least, that's what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
As the lone female in our house, I find that certain male habits have really begun to get on my nerves. One day, I emerged from the bathroom completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband.

"What is it with guys that they won't replace the toilet paper?!" I raged.

"I know," he said, nodding in agreement. "I noticed that when I was in there earlier."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A man picks up his golf-indifferent girlfriend after he has come from the links. While he's driving the tees in his pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, "Harry, what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?"

"Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm driving."

"Oh, well. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer."