Monday, August 20, 2012

Good morning crew,

It started out as such a good weekend. First, the demo at the shopping mall went off without too many hitches. Okay, there wasn't a huge crowd, but I did all of my stunts without breaking a foot or dislocating an elbow, and I got a few "oooos" and "wows" from the lookers-on, so I felt like my part was a success.

And then, in a fit of mania, I took the wife out Saturday night for dinner and drinks with another couple at Ditka's steakhouse.

If you are not familiar with Ditka's, it is not cheap, it doesn't even pretend to be cheap, but I was in such a good mood I decided it was worth it to blow next month's credit card payment on dinner. And it was.

Sunday ended up being a nice, relaxing day. Since we had blown our entire entertainment budget on dinner we couldn't afford to do anything, but we needed a whole day to recover, so neither of us minded sitting in all day.

So I woke up today actually feeling good about the world and my place in it, for once. That lasted until I made it out to the parking lot and tried to start truck. The thing turned over, but it immediately started to stutter like it was going to die any second. I only kept the thing running by gunning the engine every few seconds. Using this method I was able to drive it to the closest mechanic.

That was about four hours ago and he just called me. Let's just say we won't be going back to Ditka's again any time soon.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Looking for money-savings tips, information helpful to women, and some good-natured fun? If so, take a moment or two and check out the Mommy Blogroll to the right and visit some of the best "Mommy Blogs" online.

***
"Mayor Bloomberg is saying now that he has banned large sodas in New York City, his next target is going to be alcohol. Once that's out of the way he'll start his crusade against the laughter of children." -Conan O'Brien

***
"President Obama met with Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner in the Oval Office. They agreed on a new economic plan after losing last night's big Powerball lottery." -Jay Leno

***
"Did you enjoy the Olympics? How about Usain Bolt, the fastest man on earth. What an athlete. The slowest man on earth? It's the guy at the crosswalk whenever I try to make a right turn." -Dave Letterman

***
I was the nurse caring for a couple's newborn first child, a son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was asleep under general anesthesia we took our tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy. While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby's ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like "Dumbo." The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy, the ears could be easily corrected later during childhood.

The father still worried about his wife's reaction to those large protruding ears. "She doesn't take things as easily as I do," he worried.

By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother's arms and eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time.

She took one look at her baby's face and looked to her husband and gasped, "Oh, Honey! Look! He has your ears!"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?"

Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last half hour...I'll be ready in a minute!"