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Monday, August 1, 2016

Good morning crew,

So, a few months ago the wife came to me and said, "I have some exciting news."

"I'm all ears," I said.

"My parents are celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary this year and you'll never guess what they're going to do."

"Go out for pizza and hit a casino."

She gave me a dirty look.


"They are going on a tour of Europe!" she cried.

"You're parents?" I said.


"In Europe?"


"What are they, fleeing the country?" I asked her.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your dad hates travel. Why would he all of a sudden want to fly to Europe?"

"You know he was stationed in Germany when he was in the army..."


"He's always wanted to go back, and my mom has been fantasizing about a trip to Europe for years, so they finally decided they're going!"

"Well, congratulations to them," I said. "I'm glad they're doing something special. They deserve it. Where are they going?"

"It's two weeks," the wife explained, "The tour covers Germany, Bavaria, Switzerland..."

"Bavaria is in Germany," I pointed out.

"Shut up," she agreed. "Then Italy, Belgium and..." she was practically bouncing with excitement. "Paris!"

"Wow. That really does sound like quite a trip."

She just stood there, grinning at me like a maniac.


"They invited us to go with them!"

We stared at each other for a few seconds until she literally exploded with a scream. "I'm going to Paris!"

"Whoa, whoa," I told her. "You can just forget about that right now, mademoiselle. There is no way we can afford to go traipsing around Europe for two weeks. Airfare alone is about a million dollars. And do you know how much a beer costs over there?"

She was still grinning at me.

"What? For Christ's sake, what?"

"They offered to pay for our tickets," she said.

"Really?" I said. To tell you the truth I was a little shocked. I didn't think her parents liked me that much. But I guess it would have looked odd if they took her with them and left me behind.

After grilling the wife for a few more details I agreed to go. I found it hard to turn down that kind of generosity. But I never really 100 percent believed her parents would go through with it. That was until last week.

A big, fat envelope from the travel company arrived in the mail. It was full of brochures and an itinerary with our names on it.

So, it looks like we are going.

Now that the reality of it is staring me in the face I'm actually starting to feel a little nervous. I mean, I know how to order a beer in German, but what about Italian?

Or French?

Laugh it up,


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"Legal experts are saying it's only a matter of time before someone uses Pokemon Go as an excuse for committing a crime. At least then we'll get to hear the first lawyer ever to use the 'Squirtle Defense.'" -Conan O'Brien


"Bill Clinton said he watched all six Police Academy movies with his daughter Chelsea, which got awkward when Chelsea was like, 'That wasn't me.'" -James Corden


"A British Airways flight had to make an emergency landing recently after the cabin strongly smelled like marijuana. Even worse, the pilot was flying at, like, 5 miles per hour." -Seth Meyers


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*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: "You got male!"

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