Friday, July 3, 2015

Good morning crew,

It is going to be a dangerous weekend, and not just because I still have a shopping bag full of unused fireworks. It is a holiday weekend, and since Independence Day is tomorrow, everybody has today off.

That is a lot of time to get into trouble.

Of course, the big event will be bash at Cousin Kaz's house Saturday; a party that never disappoints. I only hope that after last night and tonight I still have enough energy left to enjoy myself.

I hope everybody has a safe and enjoyable weekend. If I survive I'll fill you in on any adventures next week.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Experts say that because of higher gas prices, fewer families will travel this weekend. That's a shame. I can't imagine growing up without an 18-hour ride through the desert with my father who's too cheap to turn the air conditioning on." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Yesterday, a group of scientists warned that because of global warming, sea levels will rise so much that parts of New Jersey will be under water. The bad news? Parts of New Jersey won't be under water." --Conan O'Brien

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"A new study found that students who use Facebook while studying have 20 percent lower grades than students who focus. When kids who use Facebook heard that they were like, '20 percent? Big deal. What's that, like 10 percent?'" -Jimmy Fallon

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When our client's dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. "Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find," he told me.

At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk. "Believe it or not," I said, "this is for a sick dog."

As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, "These are for my cats."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. "That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!"

"You have to remember," answered the guide, "a dollar went a lot farther in those days."