Monday, August 15, 2016

Good morning crew,

Payday today. For months the wife and I have been trying to set aside extra cash for the upcoming European excursion, so this check is going to be divided up as; 40 percent toward next month's mortgage, 30 percent for this month's bills, 10 percent for daily expenses (e.g. coffee, snacks, gas, instant lottery tickets, etc...), and the last 20 percent is going to be reserved for bier and lederhosen.

The travel expenses have already been paid for, so I'm not sure what else I'm going to need cash for. A few post cards? Maybe a couple commemorative bier steins?

But, if experience (and sailing) has taught me anything, it's that it is better to be a little over-prepared.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over today. Don't worry, kids. School will end eventually and then you'll get to go to a different kind of school called work, and it only ends when you get old and die." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"Pope Francis is now telling married couples to have children, because only having pets could lead to anger or bitterness in old age. As opposed to having kids, which leads to anger AND bitterness in old age." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"Happy birthday to President Obama who just turned 55! He made a wish and blew out the candles, but then when he opened his eyes, he was still president." -Seth Meyers

***
A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem. After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe you?"

"My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician.

"Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!"

"In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred."

"Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

"Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

"Who has that kind of money?"

"Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me a hundred and get out of my office, okay?"

"I can give you fifty," says the man. "Take it or leave it."

"I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?"

"Listen, Doctor," says the patient, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive!"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A worker in the reference department of the Library of Congress received a call asking the meaning of the phrase "without recourse." He consulted a legal dictionary and furnished this definition, "Said of a signer of a document when he takes no responsibility for the face of the document."

"Thank you," said the voice at the other end of the wire. "I have an autographed photograph of Coolidge. It's signed, "Without recourse, Calvin Coolidge."