Thursday, December 12, 2013

Good morning crew,

It has begun. Holiday party season. I don't really count Thanksgiving because that is more of a meal than a party, but Christmas parties, or holiday parties if you prefer, are all about boozing. Well, cookies and boozing.

This weekend old Mason and his wife will be hosting a small, intimate gathering of their 40 or 50 closest friends. I'm looking forward to raising about 15 glasses of holiday cheer with them, after which I almost certainly make a number of off-color comments which will make everybody uncomfortable and then I will fall asleep behind the sofa.

But before any of that happens I need to assist in promotion testing at the school Saturday morning. If there is anything that will put a person in the mood for several stiff drinks it is dealing with 40 or so cranked up little kids all day.

It's going to be quite a weekend. Wish me luck.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!

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"New documents leaked by Edward Snowden show that the NSA actually spied on people while they played the video game World of Warcraft. I don't know - to me it sounds like some NSA agents had to think quick when they got caught playing World of Warcraft at work." -Jimmy Fallon

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"The world said goodbye today to Nelson Mandela. And what a life he lived. He spent 27 years in prison and then ascended to become president of his country. He went from prison to politics. It was exactly the opposite of how we do it in this country." -Jay Leno

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"The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under 2 not be exposed to screens like iPads because it can impede their brain development. Although if it keeps the kid quiet while I'm at Costco, let's bring that brain development to a halt." -Jimmy Kimmel

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The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.

This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus made up of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles.

Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization.

Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Some of our old favorites have now been re-released. The following songs are on a new album called "Baby Boomers Turn Gray: Re-heated Oldies."

Paul Simon -- "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver"
Carly Simon -- 'You're So Varicose Vein"
The Bee Gees -- "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"
Roberta Flack -- "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"
Johnny Nash -- "I Can't See Clearly Now"
The Temptations -- "Papa Got a Kidney Stone"
Nancy Sinatra -- "These Boots Are Made For Bunions"
ABBA -- "Denture Queen"
Leo Sayer -- "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"
Commodores -- "Once, Twice, Three Times My Back's Out"
Procol Harem -- "A Whiter Shade of Hair"
Steely Dan -- "Rikki Don't Lose That Clapper"
Herman's Hermits -- "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker"
Credence Clearwater Revival -- "Bad Prune Rising"
Marvin Gaye -- "I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"
The Who -- "Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"
The Troggs -- "Bald Thing"