Monday, January 25, 2016

Good morning crew,

Welcome to a new week, folks! I'm having a tough time concentrating today considering the rather severe case of heartburn I suffered last night into this morning.

Along with our dinner of spaghetti and meatballs last night the wife also made some garlic bread, which she insisted on making with about 4 cloves of raw garlic per slice.

I know garlic is good for the body, but two entire bulbs of garlic for four little slices of toast might have been over doing it a bit.

At least we didn't have to suffer each other's company last night since she is away house-sitting this week.

While you get on with some jokes I am going to go home and eat a box of baking soda.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new study found that the amount of man-made heat that's absorbed by the ocean has doubled since 1997. The main source of that heat? That kid who's waist deep at the beach with that weird smile on his face." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A Florida man has been arrested for stealing a $1,500 dog from a pet store and trading it for crack. On the plus side, we finally have an answer to the question: How much is that doggie in the window?" -Seth Meyers

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"A new study from Cambridge University says that Spiderman should not be able to climb walls. According to the study, the largest animal capable of wall climbing is the gecko. And I'm not sure if Kirsten Dunst wants to kiss one of those upside down." -Stephen Colbert

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So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for:

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I had noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother.

"Things haven't changed that much," she said. "The only difference is, before he didn't listen to me. Now, he can't."