Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Good morning crew,

It has been a depressing, rainy day today. Depressing for me anyway. My lawn has probably been enjoying the hell out of itself.

For the lawn a day like today is probably like having a banquet.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Congratulations to Team USA for winning over 100 medals! The most of any country, and my condolences to everyone who is behind them at airport security." -Jimmy Fallon

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"Last week, Twitter introduced a 'quality filter' that gets rid of tweets that contain spam, mean, or unwanted content. An hour later, Twitter filed for bankruptcy." -Conan O'Brien

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"Police in Australia are searching for a group of men seen releasing live crocodiles into a school building. Though, if you ask me, they should probably be searching for the crocodiles." -Seth Meyers

***
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it.

After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.

The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled.

It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions."

"To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Last June, my friend told me about her plans for our upcoming prom. "I'm renting a stretch limo and spending $1,000 on a new dress, and I've reserved a table at the most expensive restaurant in town," she said.

Our teacher overheard her and shook her head. "I didn't spend that much on my wedding."

My friend answered, "I can have three or four weddings. But a prom you do only once."