Powered By

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Good morning crew,

I have to admit I was a bit afraid to go to Fall Fest this year. Practically every year I have gone I have managed to talk myself into buying something completely useless, not to mention expensive.

One year it was a nonfunctional, antique fire extinguisher, another year it was a pair of gold-trimmed cuff links made out of Mercury head silver dimes, another year it was a jellyfish encased in crystalline epoxy, you get the idea.

To be perfectly honest; the fire extinguisher isn't completely useless. It does warm my heart every time I look at it.

With the big trip coming up later this month I knew we couldn't afford to blow some big chunk of cash, so I was tempted to skip the fest altogether, but I figured as a couple of responsible adults the wife and I should be able to enjoy an afternoon out without succumbing to some ridiculous impulse purchase.

As it turned out, I was worried for nothing. There really wasn't any cool stuff there this year to be tempted by.

Okay, there was this really cool rolling bar with a fold-out top that some craftsman had built on top of an old wood and iron industrial trolley cart, but they wanted $2,000 for it and I wouldn't spend that on a toy anyway.

But we were still able to enjoy a roast pork sandwich and a few beers at the Old Plank Trail Tavern, plus we stopped into a few restaurants and listened to a little music. We even got to see a mariachi band play 'Happy Birthday' for some hapless diner at a Mexican restaurant while we were having chips and salsa and margaritas. That was probably the highlight of the afternoon.

And while it wasn't very exciting, at least we still had some money left when we got home. And isn't discretion supposed to be the better part of valor?

Laugh it up,


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

"A JetBlue flight took off from Florida to Cuba this week, marking the first commercial flight to Cuba since 1961. People said that they couldn't believe the third world conditions, but then they got off the JetBlue plane and were like, 'Finally, we're in Cuba.'" -Jimmy Fallon


"A restaurant in Manhattan has created a $15, 25-ounce milk shake, which comes in a cream cheese frosted glass covered in marshmallows and cereal, filled with ice cream and topped with a cinnamon bun. At least that's what it said on the toxicology report." -Seth Meyers


"In France, a shipment that was supposed to contain orange juice was discovered to actually contain a massive shipment of cocaine. Either way, a great way to start your morning." -Conan O'Brien


One night at about 3am my wife was getting up from the toilet to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the bathroom with her.

She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again! She froze, not breathing. Silence. Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from the bathroom.

This time the noise was accompanied by something touching the back of her leg! That was too much to bear. She literally flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot board by a couple feet, to land screaming by my side.

The culprit was right there in plain sight, a trail of toilet paper neatly marked the path from bed to the bathroom.

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I was complaining the other day to a friend about the knot in my tie. "These four-in-hands with their tiny knots are so un-stylish," I complained. He asked, "Do you know how to do a Windsor knot?"

I replied, "It doesn't matter if you Windsor knot, it's how you play the game!

Top Viewed Issues