Monday, February 27, 2012

Good morning crew,

Is it better to be smart or lucky? In my case it was better to be lucky...at least this weekend. Because the smart thing would have been not to go to the casino at all, or at least not gamble.

When we got there I walked around with the girlfriend for a while and played a few slot machines with her. Sometimes she gets on luck streaks with the slot machines and I thought some of her luck might rub off on me. It didn't.

After dumping forty bucks in about five minutes on the machines I decided I had better find ol' Mason at the tables.

He was parked right where I expected him, at the black jack table. So I sat next to him and prepared to stimulate the local tax revenue.

I was doing okay, winning a few, losing a few, when I noticed a little bonus box next to each hand. I asked the dealer about it and he explained that if any combination came up, comprised of my two cards and the dealer's face card, that matched the winning combinations listed next to the bonus box, I would win that multiple.

So I put down a five dollar chip down on the bonus box and the dealer dealt. I got a seven and eight of diamonds. Continuing his instruction he said, "For example, if I get a six of diamonds you would have a suited straight and would win a hundred to one."

Almost as if on cue he dealt himself a six of diamonds. We stared at each other for a couple seconds and all I could think of to say was, "Are you kidding me?"

But he was not, since he put a stack of $100 black chips right in front of me.

After that it was actually pretty easy to get up and walk away from the table. I figured I wasn't going to do much better than that!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Italian authorities seized $6 trillion worth of fake, worthless U.S. Treasury bonds. Pretty good counterfeit job, too. They look just like the genuine worthless Treasury bonds." -Jay Leno

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"The reality is earth contains only so much fossil fuel. So the solution is obvious. If oil comes from fossils, then we should genetically engineer more dinosaurs. What could possibly go wrong?" -Craig Ferguson

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"A new survey found that the tooth fairy left about 42 cents less in 2011 than it did the year before. When kids lose teeth now, they're like, 'Ehh, I'm gonna hold onto this until the market improves.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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On our way to my parents' house for dinner one evening, I glanced over at my 15-year-old daughter. "Isn't that skirt a bit short?" I asked. She rolled her eyes at my comment and gave me one of those "Oh, Mom" looks.

When we arrived at my folks' place, my mother greeted us at the door, hugged my daughter, then turned to me and looking me over with a critical eye said, "Elizabeth! Don't you hink that blouse is awfully low-cut?"

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
While I was dining out with my children, a friend of my neighbor, who recognized us, came over to our table, and we started talking.

He asked where my kids go to school. I told him we homeschooled them.

With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family.

I said, "No, I also work... but out of our home."

Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in.

"He was born at home," I answered.

The man looked at me and said, "You don't get out much, do you?"