Thursday, December 19, 2013

Good morning crew,

Something a little unusual happened today. A local cop came into the office and asked to talk to somebody. I figured I knew why he was probably here so I sent him straight to TZ's office. He was in there for about five minutes and when he left without TZ in cuffs I quickly ran in there to see what was going on.

TZ explained that he was going around to local businesses to update emergency contact information in case of a break in or vandalism or some such other misfortune.

I said, "TZ, you don't have to lie to me if you're being investigated for indecent exposure or public nuisance charges or something. There is no way the village is going to send a uniformed cop in a bullet proof vest and packing a side arm in person to every business to update contact info!"

"I swear to God, that's what he wanted."

"Really?!" I was still incredulous. "How would you like to be the cop to get that assignment. 'We're taking you off the drug sting, Bob. Uh, let's see, why don't you go to every business in town and make sure we have the right name and phone number. That sounds like a good job for you.'"

"Hey," TZ pointed out, "at least you don't pay taxes around here."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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***
"I failed my driver's test. The guy asked me, "What do you do at a red light?"

I said, "I don't know, look around, listen to the radio" --Bill Braudis

***
"I filled out a rental application that asked, 'Do you own any liquid-filled furniture?' Couldn't they just have said 'waterbed'? How many other forms of liquid-filled furniture are there? 'Yeah, I have a beer couch, will that be a problem?'" --Lisa Goich

***
"The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person." --P. J. O'Rourke

***
A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them missed their old home. That December, when they went to pick up their first-grade son from school, his teacher told them about a conversation she overheard.

One boy said, "We're Catholic, and we are going to Christmas Mass."

"Were Jewish," said another child. "And we're going to have a Hanukkah celebration.

"Madison chimed in, "We're Texans, and were going to have a barbecue."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
At first sight we knew it was the perfect Christmas tree. Tall and full, with no bare spots. Even our grown children were impressed.

"Wow," said my son, "if you didn't know it was real, it could easily pass as artificial."