Thursday, February 14, 2013

Good morning crew,

If you hadn't noticed by the calendar, today is Valentine's Day. I know, I know...everybody is talking about Valentine's Day today, but there's one important difference here. I'm funny.

Most of the Western world recognizes today as a special time for romance, but in recent years there have been a lot of Valentine's Day detractors - folks who subscribe to modern taboos against gender profiling and backlashing against what has come to be known as "Hallmark Holidays." Sounds like a convenient excuse to avoid a little extra effort to me.

I'm one of those anachronistic people who still believes that a woman should be wooed occasionally. And not far below the surface I think the women still enjoy it, too.

So my recommendation is to go ahead and make today a little extra special. It's surprising how even a small, but sincere gesture can really warm a person's heart. And if small and sincere doesn't work there's always insincere and expensive.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Valentine's Day is weird. A nude flying baby that shoots arrows isn't a holiday. It's a horror movie." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"According to a leaked report from an upcoming U.N. study on climate change, solar activity may play a greater role in global warming than previously thought. The sun may be involved in global warming. It's always the last place you'd think, isn't it?" -Jay Leno

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"Anybody in town for the Westminster Kennel Club's dog show? The winner of the dog show gets a beautiful blue ribbon and a toilet full of champagne." -David Letterman

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There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there's me. One day I couldn't stand it any longer. "Why don't you ever bring me flowers?" I asked.

"What's the point?" my husband said. "They die after about a week."

"So could you," I shot back, "but I still like having you around."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, "I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had."

The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.

Then she said, "I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity."

The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his arm around her shoulders.

The elderly woman then stated," I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine."

This time the old man started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the livingroom his wife asked, "Was it something I said, where are you going?"

The old man looked at her and replied, "I'm going to the bathroom to get my teeth!"