Thursday, August 18, 2011

Good morning crew,

Well, it's that time of year again. The Renaissance Faire is up in Kenosha, Wisconsin. I have developed a bad habit over the past number of years when I'm at the Ren Faire. I always manage to talk myself into spending a bunch of money on something totally extraneous. Usually cool, sometimes stupid, but always something completely unnecessary.

For example; last year I bought a set of handmade throwing knives. Very cool, but they don't get a lot of use in my apartment. The year before that I bought a lambs wool hat, which I actually got a lot of use out of last winter, but the year before that I spent about three hundred bucks on a custom-made pair of calf-high, bull hide boots. The problem with those is that they are lace-and-button, which means they take about ten minutes to put on or take off. So they only get worn about once a year...usually at the Ren Faire.

Other fun little past purchases include a sword, a kilt, a drinking horn and an authentic, Australian didgeridoo. You can just imagine all of the use I get out of those items.

But this year I cannot give in to temptation. There are just too many other things I need to set money aside for to be blowing a wad of cash on a set of crystal and pewter dragon goblets or a horned viking helmet or something.

I mean it this time.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!


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"A farmer in Idaho unknowingly watered and fertilized more than 300 marijuana plants. He should have realized something was up when his alarm went off and his rooster was like, 'Bro, I'm trying to sleep over here!'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"Mitt Romney is calling Obama's bus tour the 'Magical Misery Tour,' which is kind of funny coming from a member of the Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hair Club for Men." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is fried butter on a stick. Of course, if you're like me and you want like to eat healthy, get your stick of butter baked." -Jay Leno

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Our cat, Figaro, comes home between 10 or 11 at night to eat. If he's late, I turn on the carport light and call him until he appears.

One day my daughter was explaining to a friend where we live, and her friend said, "Is that anywhere near the house where the woman stands on her steps late at night and sings opera?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
'Writing: For the Sell of It' was the theme of our community college's annual writers' conference. When I called a widely published author and asked him to be our keynote speaker, my request was met with a long silence. He finally said, "I don't know what I would say to that audience."

"You're just being modest," I replied. "I'm sure you're extremely qualified to speak on that subject."

He suddenly broke into laughter. "I thought you said, 'Writing for the Celibate!'"