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Friday, October 7, 2016

Good morning crew,

We made it, folks. Somewhere on the order of 12,000 miles round trip and I'm right back where I started.

To be perfectly honest, we were back Tuesday, but I took Wednesday off to relax and rest up after the trip. And by relax I mean grocery shop, do 4 loads of laundry and mow the lawn.

But the adventure was not without consequences. The poor wife has been suffering some kind of terrible upper respiratory infection for about a week now, so I think tonight it is going to be steam and hot tea, for her anyway.

I'm still on 'beer at noon' time.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a pair of socks meant to be worn with sandals from 2,000 years ago. Scholars say it's evidence of the first German tourist." -Conan O'Brien

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"The first and only vice-presidential debate of this election season was held tonight, and it was pretty much the same as the debate I had with my wife about painting the foyer. 'Do we want eggshell or ivory?'" -Seth Meyers

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"A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you're one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right." -Jimmy Fallon

***

The difference between 'Men' and 'Guys'

Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road.
Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.

Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf.
Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.

Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces.
Guys: wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school.

Men: balance their checkbooks.
Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row.

Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner.
Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.

Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers.
Guys: are afraid of becoming men.

Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call.
Guys: pretend you're not there when their moms call.

Men: start their own businesses.
Guys: quit their jobs.

Men: are experts on women's erogenous zones.
Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone.

Men: order wine based on more than the price.
Guys: bring their own beer.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.

"What kind of pie do you call this?" asked one student indignantly.

"What's it taste like?" asked the cook.

"Glue."

"Then it's apple pie. The plum pie tastes like soap."

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