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Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Good morning crew,

Technically there are 18 shopping days left before Christmas. So far I have bought one gift and the stress of that caused my to chew every last one of my fingernails all the way down to the third knuckle. I'm never gonna make it.

At least not without some fresh fingers.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"An Ohio-based company made a cup holder for dip that attaches to a dashboard so you can eat chips and dip while you drive. I don't have a joke about this, I just wanted to remind you we're still the greatest country in the world." -Conan O'Brien

***

"A new study has found that specially trained pigeons can have up to an 85 percent accuracy rate of detecting breast cancer in humans. Which means that 15 percent of the time it's just a pigeon staring at your boobs." -Seth Meyers

***

"Astronomers announced today that they have discovered an earth-sized planet in our corner of the galaxy that is potentially habitable by humans. Yeah, they think the planet may have breathable air and drinkable water, which is impressive because we barely have those things here in Los Angeles. The planet in question orbits a star called Ross 128. It's part of a larger system that includes Chandler, Joey and Monica 128." -James Corden

***

When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us.

"So what changed your mind?" I asked him.

"I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?!'




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school.

"Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be five years from now?"

"Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."

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