Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Good morning crew,

Holy Stromboli! Today is Valentine's Day. I probably should have started to think about something to do tonight before five minutes ago.

Okay, I have 26 bucks. Let's see...

That's about six beers, four mixed drinks, two martinis or one meal. Damn! That's what I get for blowing all that cash on those Comfy Jeans for the GF's birthday last week.

I'm going to have to get creative. If I stop at the store after work I can pick up a bottle of California cabernet, a box of macaroni and cheese, a package of kielbasa and salad fixin's and prepare dinner at home. Plus, if we eat by candlelight she won't see that I haven't cleaned the apartment.

Then we can rent a movie on cable. Brilliant.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new survey reported that 40 percent of people think it's a good idea to get engaged on Valentine?s Day. The other 60 percent were men." -Conan O'Brien

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"Valentines Day ads have been on for a month now. 'Get her flowers; send her flowers; she really wants flowers. Flowers or you die.' Every guy has his own flower strategy, but I prefer the single red rose. Simple, romantic, easy to steal from the cemetery." -Craig Ferguson

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I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

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Another man and I share a locker at work. Noticing that it needed a new combination lock, my partner said he would pick one up on his way to work the next day. It occurred to me later that I might not see him in the morning. How would I find out the combination? I needn't have worried.

When I arrived at work I found that he had used the locker before me and had left a note reading: "To find the first number subtract 142 from your high score the last time we went bowling. The second number is 16 less than that. To find the third number subtract 1.87 from the amount you owe me."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office to get our marriage license. After recording the vital information; names, dates of birth, etc. the clerk handed me our license and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."