Thursday, October 25, 2012

Good morning crew,

It's time for promotion testing at the school again. This Saturday I'll get to see if those little maniacs have learned any of the techniques I have been drilling into their skulls for the last six weeks. Actually, I feel pretty confident about it based upon what I have seen from them recently. Either those kids aren't as dumb as they act or I am a better teacher than I think.

Saturday night the wife has a girl's night out planned with a few of her girlfriends. She graciously invited me along, but I am hesitant to expose myself to the secret rights and rituals that are conducted when women congregate.

I'm afraid I might be psychologically scarred.

Plus, they are going out for fondue and considering the risk to benefit of having a pot of boiling oil in close proximity to a bunch of half drunk women I'm afraid I might be physically scarred as well.

But we'll see.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button... 'Like' Deal of the Day Here

***
"The European Farmer's Union has announced that because of cold temperatures and drought, grapes aren't growing well and as a result this will be their worst wine harvest in 50 years. Experts are hoping it won't affect prices or threaten the supply of wine, and if it does they might have to start drilling for wine offshore." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"One in every seven people on the planet now owns a cell phone. You know what's even more amazing? That when I go to the theater, I never sit next to any of the other six people." -Jay Leno

***
"French President Francois Hollande has promised to ban schools from assigning homework. Seriously? That's not a European president's platform - that was my 9th grade student council platform. 'I'm gonna do away with homework, and put RC Cola back in the vending machines!'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
Laws of Life:

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I picked up my nine-year-old daughter from school and asked how her day had gone. A few minutes later, distracted by driving, I repeated the question, and again a few minutes after that.

Instead of annoyed, Ariana was philosophical. "Mom," she said, "your amnesia is my deja vu."