Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Good morning crew,

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I'll tell you what I'm thankful for; I'm thankful I don't have to cook tomorrow. In the last couple weeks I have made some dangerously irresponsible remarks about hosting our very first Thanksgiving in the new house, but fortunately nobody took me seriously. It's one thing to sit in a bar over a few beers and say you will host Thanksgiving, but it is quite another to spend two solid days shopping and cooking.

Instead of that culinary marathon I will spend the day driving around and mooching off of friends and relatives, the way God intended.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think Santa is a Democrat and 28 percent believe he is a Republican. And the other 28 percent said to please stop bothering me with stupid questions." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"The holidays are just wonderful. Here's what I thought was sad, though, the line for the mall Santa? Out the door and around the block. The mall rabbi? Nothing." -David Letterman

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"Today in New York, a schoolteacher celebrated her 100th birthday. All of her students hid in the classroom and surprised her with a big party. They were hiding and they shouted, 'Surprise!' May she rest in peace." -Craig Ferguson

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My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer.

At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this: "Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don't like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"

"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."

"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"

"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."

Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.

When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.