Thursday, September 27, 2012

Good morning crew,

Now that fall is here I want to take a long weekend to see the colors change. Maybe in Starved Rock or another nearby state park. Illinois has great foliage. I want to do this every year but something always seems to come up. Sort of like how I haven't managed to make it to an Oktoberfest since 2002.

This year I am more than a little motivated because I still have three vacation days to use and if I don't use them by the end of October I lose them. How's that for an employee perk? I read a scary article recently about how leisure time (or lack of it) is directly related to stress, which is one of the major contributing factors to a person's longevity.

So I look at it at medicinal.

Do you remember Rachelle from last week? Our intern who is trying to become a model? Well, she has made it to the final ten in that modeling contest. If you want to help push her over the top click on the link here, Face of Caravelle, and then click on her picture (she is in the black-and-white dress). I know she'll appreciate it.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button... 'Like' Deal of the Day Here

***
"Season 15 of 'Dancing With the Stars' premiered last night. Is it really the 15th season? Seems like just yesterday I wasn't watching the first season." -Jay Leno

***
"In New York City, muggings for Apple products are up 40 percent. Even worse, if you have the new iPhone people camp out overnight to mug you." -Conan O'Brien

***
"This week, a man in Missouri reeled in a live grenade when he went fishing. Or as one fish put it, 'That's for my brother.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
CUSTOMER'S GUIDE TO SUPERMARKET SHOPPING

1. When in the express lane, make sure that all items are rung up and bagged before you start looking for your check-book. Then, after you make a futile search for your pen, borrow one from the clerk and make sure your checkbook is balanced before giving up the check.

2. Never get into the 10-Items-or-Less line with less than 12 items. IT'S THE LAW!!!

3. When in the 10-Items-or-Less line and you have your 12 to 20 items, always ask the clerk if it's okay. That way, if he says "yes," then the people behind you will get mad at HIM, not you. If he says "no," then YOU can get mad at him. Either way, you win!

4. Save all your pennies and dump them in the bottom of your purse so that when you are in the express lane you won't be embarrassed by spending all that time looking for one and not finding any.

5. When asked if you want paper or plastic, take all the time you need to make the right decision. Don't be rushed. Get it right. If you're not sure just say, "BAG." That way they will have to ask you again, giving you more time to decide. You may want to practice this at home in case you are ever asked this question at a grocery store.

6. Always, and I repeat, ALWAYS tell the checker your reason for choosing paper or plastic. Checkers by nature are very curious and if you should fail to give them your reason for choosing paper over plastic, the clerk is liable to lie awake at night wondering why you didn't choose plastic.

7. Always keep this in mind: If something is heavy and you don't want to lift it out of the basket and put it on the belt. Don't fret whether the checker will automatically know the price. After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are.

8. Since everyone knows how ignorant those clerks are, you must always remember to tell them to not put the eggs and bread in the bottom of the bag.

9. Feel free to ask your clerk anything you may want to know. All checkers are experts on how to prepare whatever meal you should decide to make that night. They can give you precise directions to anywhere in the state you might want to go. They can tell you the best restaurant around, the kind of wine you will like best or anything else you may need to know about life.

10. Don't forget rule NO. 8

11. After waiting in the checkout line for several minutes and it's finally your turn at the counter, be sure to tell the clerk that more help is needed. He will certainly ensure that there is plenty of help next time.

12. When the clerk greets you and asks how you're doing, don't feel pressured into answering him. After all the clerk has to be polite-- but you don't have to.

13. When the store is not busy and there is only one check-stand with a light on, be sure to ask the nearest clerk which check stand is open. You don't want to take a chance being tricked into the wrong one.

14. If the clerk asks you if you know the price of an item and you don't, tell him it's "2-something" or "3-something." The clerks love that because they don't get to use their SOMETHING keys very often.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" an anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room.

Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint, meekness, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't need if you had stayed single."