Friday, October 24, 2014

Good morning crew,

I think I have been bamboozled. Ever since we first started talking about buying a house the wife has been fantasizing about throwing a big Halloween party. I have been trying to discourage the idea since 1) we still don't really have the house in order and we still haven't established the kind of relationship with our neighbors where we can afford to piss them off, and 2) it seems like a waste to me to have a bunch of people over, feed them beer, and not get any work out of them, especially since there is still a dead tree in the back yard that needs to come down.

So instead of a party the wife suggested we just have a few people over for drinks this Saturday, arguing that it would be cheaper than going out.

From this modest premise the guest list has slowly metastasized. Every time I talk to her another person or two happens to be "stopping by". As of last night, the wife's definition of "a few" equals about 25.

So tonight I need to go out and pick up three or four cases of cheap, watery domestic beer, a couple bottles of rot-gut whiskey, then I need to swing by a few of the local bars to see if they have any peanuts and pretzels left over after they sweep up for the night so I can put out some snacks.

Oh, and I'll probably need to a can of mace for incidentals.

I'll let you know how things go next week.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The marriage rate has hit an all-time low, with 1 in 5 adults over 25 having never been married. In fact, an ad firm has come up with slogans to get people on board. One slogan is: 'Marriage, satisfaction guaranteed or your money back - half of it, anyway.' Another marriage ad slogan is: 'Marriage - because happy people are annoying.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"A group called 'Clowns of America' is speaking out against the way they're depicted on TV. The president of 'Clowns of America' says they should be treated with dignity and respect. Sounds to me like they don't want to be treated like clowns." -Craig Ferguson

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"The annual Wastebook report was released today. This is an annual report that lists wasteful government spending. Our government spent $387,000 giving rabbits a daily massage. That doesn't sound wasteful to me. That sounds adorable." -Jimmy Kimmel

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Four-year-old Johnny was eating a hot dog when he dropped it on the floor. He quickly picked it up and was about to take another bite when his mom said, "No, Johnny, you can't eat that now it has germs."

Johnny pondered the thought a moment and replied, "Jesus, germs, and Santa Claus - that's all I ever hear and I haven't seen one of them yet!"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Judi and Gayle (both blondes) were at an auto show. There they saw a hot-rod with a jacked up rear.

"Judi, why is the back end higher than the front?" Gayle asked.

"Don't you know ANYTHING?" Judi sighed exasperated. "If you've got the back up like that, then you're always going downhill!"