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Wednesday, January 7, 2015Good morning crew,
Day 7 and the wife is still sick. The poor girl, she's really suffering. I have done everything I could; made her sleep on the sofa, wear one of those surgical masks when she's home, I have even been rubbing the TV remotes, community surface areas and the dog with isopropyl alcohol, but I think she has finally infected me.
I woke up this morning with that tell-tale scratchiness in my throat and an inability to breathe through my nose.
Marvelous. And I have plans this weekend, too. I don't suppose there is any way I can cram the 10-14 day cycle of an upper respiratory infection into 3 days.
Or maybe I can nip this whole thing in the bud if I go old school. My mother was a firm believer that you could cure anything from a headache to a sinus infection by sticking your head over a boiling pot of water and breathing the steam.
If I do the pot trick, load myself up on vitamin C and zinc, and then chase some over-the-counter cold medicine with a little fine, Irish whiskey (strictly for the antiseptic properties) followed by 12 uninterrupted hours in the sack, I just might be able to bounce right back from this thing.
I need to stop by the pharmacy and the liquor store.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.comP.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
GopherArchives***"Here's the problem I have. You've got to start taking down your Christmas decorations. Whenever I take the tree down, I can't re-tangle the lights the way they were." -Dave Letterman
***"General Mills has announced that they're making a new flavor of Cheerios made from quinoa. And at the bottom there's a special prize - Cheerios not made with quinoa." -Conan O'Brien
***"Joe Biden went to Brazil in an effort to try and repair America's relationship with their government. Biden said, 'It's great to be here in the Amazon. I've always wanted to see where all the books come from.'" -Jimmy Fallon
***My cousin, a perpetual bachelor, owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing businesses in Miami, a furniture store. I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to visit a manufacturer and check out the merchandise himself. And maybe he could meet an available young Italian women.
As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and he only spoke English--neither understood a word the other spoke. So he took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded. So they went to dinner.
After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
He was dumbfounded. To this day he says that he's never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*As reported by an anonymous travel agent:
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts."
Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."
Her response... click.