Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Good morning crew,

I have run into a little snag with my workout routine. Before I joined the health club I would come home on a weekday, sit down on the sofa and say to myself, 'I haven't done a damn thing all day,' whereupon I would guilt myself into eating a can of tuna with a couple slices of whole wheat bread and a glass of lemon water for my dinner.

Now I come home from the health club on a weekday and say to myself, 'I just did 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic exercise and weight training. I OWE myself half a pizza and three beers.'

I think I'm actually gaining weight.

It's strictly a problem of will power and determination; which means the obvious solution is to quit the health club.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Sy Berger, the designer of modern baseball cards, has died. He will be laid to rest in a shoe box somewhere in an attic." -Conan O'Brian

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"Yesterday the prime minister of Haiti announced his resignation after several days of protests. Said the prime minister, 'Haitians gonna hate.'" -Seth Meyers

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"Today is the busiest package transporting day of the entire holiday season. UPS today will handle 585 million packages. They don't deliver them, they just handle them. By the way, if you don't mail your package today, it will not be destroyed by Christmas." -Dave Letterman

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Our company offers a bonus award for employee ideas that improve safety, quality or performance. A co-worker noticed there was a power switch suspended 16 feet over our machinery. He suggested that a chain be attached to the switch, allowing it to be pulled for quick shut-off in an emergency.

The suggestion went through channels and was rejected. One reason given was that "the chain might be pushed up one day, accidentally turning the power switch on."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"