Monday, June 4, 2012

Good morning crew,

In order to help me suck the juice out of my last few days of bachelorhood, old Mason took me to a casino this weekend.

Unfortunately, the only thing to get sucked was the money out of my pocket.

I have rarely displayed such bad decision making in my life. After managing to win over a hundred dollars in blackjack and roulette I made the mistake of settling in at the craps table.

I am experienced enough to know a losing streak when I am on one, but such was my mania that I kept playing until I had not only lost all of my winnings, but made a generous donation on top of it.

Consequently, the location of the rehearsal dinner has been changed to the parking lot of 7-11. Guests will have their choice of corn dogs, frozen burritos or pizza by the slice along with either a Slurpee or Big Gulp.

No refills.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married. She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I can...she's always on my back." --Scott Wood

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"A new study found that heavy drinkers outlive non-drinkers, but the ways they die are a lot more embarrassing." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A company in Britain has created a car that can be powered by human waste. It's cool, but it gets a little uncomfortable when your buddy asks you to 'chip in' for gas." -Jimmy Fallon

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Although he always ordered just ham and eggs everyday, one customer at the diner always studied the menu carefully each day before ordering.

One day, his regular waitress decided to see if he could be made to order anything else. Before giving him the menu she marked out the ham and eggs entry.

Once the customer had looked over the menu for a few minutes, the waitress approached him and asked, "Sir, did you notice that I scratched something you like?"

Without looking up from the menu, he quickly replied, "Well, would you mind washing your hands before you bring me my ham and eggs?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero instituted a new game. The players would take those little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor.

They were the first roller coasters. Back in those days, the disks were made of iron, and they would bet on whose disk would roll the farthest.

They called them ferrous wheels.