Monday, December 19, 2011

Good morning crew,

Saturday night the girlfriend took me to see some friends of hers way out into the burbs. Sort of a holiday visit. Nice folks. We ended up talking over drinks until almost nine o'clock.

By that time we were both famished since neither of us had eaten much during the day. When we announced our intention to go out to dinner they suggested we try a Polish place not far from them. They said the place has the best Polish food in town. Very authentic.

They sounded so enthusiastic we decided to try it.

When we walked in the place looked pretty normal. Tables, chairs, a bar. There were a few people sitting around eating and drinking. But as we stood there, nobody stood up to talk to us. After a minute or two of standing there and looking at each other uncomfortably we decided to enter the bar area and have a seat for ourselves.

There was a man sitting at the table next to us and he looked at me and smiled. Finally, some human contact.

So I smiled back and asked, "Is the kitchen still open?"

He responded with a string of what I can only assume was Polish. Not understanding whatever it was he was speaking I answered, "I'm sorry. Do you work here? I just want to know if the kitchen is open."

Apparently not understanding me he just smiled at me again and promptly ignored us.

So we sat there and quietly discussed whether we should get up and leave. Several minutes later we had just about decided to go when a woman got up from a table on the other side of the room and walked over to us.

"Hi," I said smiling at her.

"Vat you like drink?" she said.

"A couple of beers, I guess," I answered.

Without another word she walked to the bar, poured two beers and brought them over to us. Then she disappeared.

By this time we were starting to get unusual looks over the shoulder from the patrons sitting at the bar, as though they were wondering what the hell we were doing there.

I was beginning to wonder the same thing. I have never felt so unwelcome. Was this a restaurant or a safehouse for the Polish mob?

After ten minutes that seemed more like an hour the server finally reappeared from whatever back room she was hiding in and asked if we wanted anything else.

"I don't supposed the kitchen is open..." I asked.

"Kitchen closed." she responded.

Which was fine with me, since the last of my interest in the place was already extinguished.

So I asked for the check. Eight dollars for two beers.

I told the girlfriend that she needs to reevaluate her friendship with those people, because I'm pretty sure they sent us into that place to get clipped!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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***
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something which you'd like to have dinner with." -Anonymous woman

***
On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver who needed a tow. He was stranded on a busy highway, but he didn't know the make of the car he was driving. I asked again for a more detailed description beyond a "blue, four-door sedan."

"It's the one on fire," he replied.

***
"My ten year old daughter asked me what a colon was and I explained that it was a part of the body that food goes through before being eliminated. Then she asked me what a semicolon was and I told her that it was a colon the size of a truck with eighteen wheels."

***
I'm a driving examiner for the state of Indiana, and while I was giving a road test to a young man, he went through a red light without stopping. I told him that he had automatically failed the test. We met up with his mother back at the office, and I explained what had happened. At first she was speechless. Then she asked incredulously, "He ran a red light?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Well," persisted the mom, "how red was the light?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My aunt's young family with two boys ages 3 and 4, had attended church one spring morning.

As they left the church the pastor said, "Well, look at you boys, all bright eyed and bushy tailed!"

Joe the older boy loudly announced, "We don't got tails; we got Dinkys!"

My aunt was mortified.