Monday, May 11, 2015

Good morning crew,

I have failed miserably. Well, not miserably, but ultimately, which is basically the same thing because failure is failure.

It has been raining on and off for about three days, and I have been anxiously monitoring the amount of water running down my walls.

Up until last night it was zero, but the wife just emailed me earlier this morning. The roof is leaking again.

She finished her email with, "Nice job, Bob Villa."

I'm paraphrasing, of course.

I guess it's a good thing I followed through with hiring the roofing contractor. For a few delirious moments last week I toyed with the idea of putting off replacing the roof for another year and relying on my own repair skills.

Now that would have been funny.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A zoo in Japan had to issue an apology today because of the name they gave a newborn monkey. They named her Charlotte after the new royal baby in England. The zoo has apologized. Meanwhile, if you remember, William and Kate named their first kid after Curious George, which is a monkey by the way." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Mother's Day is coming up. On Mother's Day, Hooters is giving all mothers a free order of 10 hot wings with a drink purchase. I'd take my mom but I just took her there for Easter. And her birthday." -Conan O'Brien

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"It was confirmed this week that Lucasfilm and Disney are set to develop another 'Indiana Jones' sequel. This time the ancient relic everyone is searching for is Indiana Jones." -Jimmy Fallon

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My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle.

An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy is she r-u-d-e!"

"Yeah," he replied, "but I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian.

She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped.

I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right.

"I'm fine," she assured me, "but if that dog hadn't honked..."