Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Good morning crew,
I took a ninety minute lunch today so I could make a trip
to the hair saloon. They close at eight, but my personal
stylist leaves at five, and I needed to get my ears lowered
before the Christmas week gets rolling.
I know I sound like a bit of a prude, demanding my own hair
stylist, but the last time I let them assign me a random girl
I ended up looking like a Picasso painting.
A good hair cut is an important thing. If you know you have
big divots and crooked lines on top of your head you're con-
stantly self-conscious. It takes away from your confidence,
weakens your credibility and makes you less attractive to
women. The same thing can happen if you wear one of those
neckties with cartoon characters on it or plaid with
stripes. Really, a guy's personal appearance is a minefield
of pit-falls. And personally, I have enough problems without
worrying about all of that!
Laugh it up,
Joe
mailto:joe@gophercentral.com
P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters
from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in
between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at
the bottom of the page!
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"A couple in Toronto had their Facebook friends vote on the
name of their newborn daughter. So congratulations to the
couple and their baby girl, 'Like.'" -Jimmy Fallon
***
"WikiLeaks head Julian Assange says that if arrested, he
will release secret documents, including information on UFOs.
I say arrest him! I want to see those documents."
-Jimmy Kimmel
***
"Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear
disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disney-
land, except the 6-foot mouse is real." -Conan O'Brien
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Tour guides get bored spewing the same facts everyday. So
these Philadelphia guides rewrote history.
"Trees were planted along streets so illiterate people would
know the names of the streets. So Pine Street was lined with
pines, etc."
"The reason the kitchens were in the basement is because the
long, flowing dresses of women would catch fire and they
could run directly into the streets, instead of through the
house, spreading fire."
"The Lincoln statue in Fairmont Park shows him signing the
Declaration of Independence."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students
that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about
Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week she asked each child in turn what they
had learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."
Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't
know how to drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that,
Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down
the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of
us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you
learn how to drive?'"
____________________________________________________________
WHAT DID THE BUDDHIST SAY TO THE HOTDOG VENDOR?
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