Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Good morning crew,

I have been scrambling to get out a few last minute Christmas cards the last couple of days. I have a really bad habit with Christmas cards; I have great ambitions every year of creating a big list and sending out dozens of cards, each with a thoughtful and personal message to the recipient, but I always end up procrastinating until it is a week before Christmas and I have to guilt-trip myself into sending out a few select cards, usually to people I didn't send a card to the year before. That way I can spread my guilt out, but a side effect is that friends and family only get a card from me every three or four years.

So if you are a friend or family member and subscribed to Clean Laffs, and you don't get a card from me in the next few days, this isn't your year.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think Santa is a Democrat and 28 percent believe he is a Republican. And the other 28 percent said to please stop bothering me with stupid questions." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Scientists in Australia have created a pineapple that tastes like a coconut. Took them long enough." -Jimmy Fallon

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"Christmas is just around the corner. It's just under two weeks away, and today Santa released 10 years of tax returns." -Dave Letterman

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Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.

Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that Nobody would do it.

So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done in the first place.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A man goes into a restaurant, sits down at a table and an attractive young waitress comes for his order. He gives her a smile and says, "I want a quickie."

She turns red in the face and ahems, "Sir, I don't know what kind of restaurant you're used to eating in, but I can assure you you're not going to get a quickie here!"

"How disappointing," the man replied. "Could you ask the chef to make an exception?"

"He doesn't have anything to do with it!" says the waitress indignantly.

"Hmmm," do you know anywhere around here where I could get a quickie?"

"I'm SURE I don't know," answers the waitress loudly.

A patron from the next table leans over and taps the man on the shoulder, "I think it's pronounced QUICHE."