Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Good morning crew,

I have a brilliant idea. Trick-or-treating in bars. Why not? Bars will usually give you a free drink on your birthday, why wouldn't they give you a free drink on Halloween? Especially if you have a really good costume! I'm not expecting top shelf liquor, but if I can get a domestic draft out of it I think it would be worth putting on ma' kilt n' Ren Faire boots.

I think I'll try it out tomorrow, and if it works you probably won't hear from me on Thursday for obvious reasons.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Health officials in California are warning that teenagers are trying to get drunk by drinking hand sanitizer. Yeah, it's weird when you're like, 'I got so wasted last night I must've had like, six squirts of Purell.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"Are you excited about Halloween? People go out pretending to be something they're not, looking for handouts. It's like running for president." -Dave Letterman

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"Last week, a hunter in Kansas shot his friend twice because he mistakenly thought he was a turkey. After the first shot, the guy said he wasn't a turkey. But, come on, that's exactly what a turkey would have said." -Jimmy Fallon

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While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

"What are they doing?" she asked the tour guide.

"Each year," he replied with a grin, "the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the curious lady asked the guide: "So, what's the answer?"

The guide replied: "One."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."

The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: "Wow, look! It just missed the highway!"