Monday, July 18, 2011

Good morning crew,

I guess it's no longer a secret, old Mason and his wife had their twins. Well, his wife and the doctor did most of the work. Mason contributed by being nauseous a lot. Which sounded like a big job, the way he described it. The babies were born by caesarian section and Mason described the delivery room as a murder scene. But I won't go into any more details about that. The important thing is that both Mom and the babies are healthy and home.

That was two weeks ago, and this weekend I finally made it downtown to visit the newly expanded family.

After the initial congratulations and back-slapping I was finally introduced to the kids. Mason picked up one of them (I have no idea which one) and held it out to me. "Here you go, Uncle Joe."

"Do they bounce?" I asked with my hands still in my pockets.

"What?"

"Let me put it this way, how long before their skulls start to firm up?"

"Two to three months," his wife contributed when Mason could not conjure up the salient datum.

"Excellent. You can let me hold them then. I'm not dexterous enough to juggle both a newborn and a newly open beer."

Mason looked a little hurt at my refusal, but out of the corner of my eye I could see the relief wash across his poor wife's face.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!


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"There's a move to divide California into two states: the state of poverty and the state of bankruptcy." -Jay Leno

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"Two Delta planes collided at an airport in Boston. Or as air traffic controllers put it, 'Glad I wasn't awake to see that one.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"In the media business, being evil isn't always a bad thing. There's also the lovable kind of evil that we have here at CBS." -Craig Ferguson

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Our family took shelter in the basement after hearing a tornado warning. My husband told everyone to stay put while he got his cell phone out of the car, in case the lines went dead.

He didn't return for the longest time, so I went looking for him. I was upstairs calling his name, when I heard our answering machine click on.

"Hi," a voice said. "This is Dad. I'm locked out of the house."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A teacher was finishing up a lesson on the joys of discovery and the importance of curiosity. "Where would we be today," she asked, "if no one had ever been curious?"

One child quietly spoke up from the back of the room. "Still in the Garden of Eden?"