Monday, October 6, 2014

Good morning crew,

I got grass! Much like watching a pot of water on the stove will keep it from boiling, staring at the dirt on my front yard must have kept the grass seeds from growing, because after ignoring it for a couple days I was surprised and delighted to find a healthy stubble sprouting on my bare patches.

I have created life!

With this kind of power at my fingertips who knows what I could accomplish? I could turn my backyard into a micro-farm; turn the garage into a nursery for chickens and other small livestock, turn my basement into a hydroponic garden, install solar panels and a wind turbine, become both energy and food independent, I could become a free-holder in a real allodial sense.

The only thing stopping me is that I don't know how to make my own beer. That and the wife would probably refuse to slaughter chickens for me.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"An Australian man tried to rob a gas station with a boomerang. Police expect he'll return to the scene of the crime." -Craig Ferguson

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"Scientists in northern California and Oregon found that marijuana gardens are threatening the salmon population. I don't see the problem, really. Everyone loves baked salmon." -Seth Meyers

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"A New York fitness expert has released an exercise book for nuns called, 'Changing Habits: The Sister's Workout.' The Vatican rejected the original title, 'Nuns of Steel.'" --Conan O'Brien

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This Strange English Language.

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Feeling guilty about sneaking out of the house for a game of golf, I left my wife a lighthearted note invoking the name of my idol, Arnold Palmer: "I am playing golf. --Arnie."

When I returned home five hours later, I found a note beneath mine: "I am shopping. --Ivana."