Monday, March 21, 2011
Good morning crew,
I had an expensive night at the bar this weekend. It was my
own fault. I fell victim to one of the classic blunders -
The most famous of which is, "never get involved in a land
war in Asia." But only slightly less well-known is this:
never open a bar tab with more than two people on it!
The girlfriend and I were going to meet a group of people
at the bar Saturday night. She and I got there early and
ordered a couple drinks and some cheese sticks. Since I am
there pretty regularly the bartender automatically opened
a tab for me.
Fast-forward about 30 minutes when a group of ten or so
friends came bustling in. Greetings were exchanged, seat
were taken and orders were placed; a round of drinks, a
pizza, a basket of chicken wings...
I was busy conversing and didn't think about it, but after
the second round of drinks was ordered I noticed that there
was no money on the bar. So I quickly asked the bartender
for my tab. 85 bucks!
At that point I didn't want to look like a cheap skate and
start demanding that everybody cough up six bucks plus tip,
so I just paid for it and considered it a lesson learned.
But I did make the GF pay for my drinks the rest of the
night.
Laugh it up,
Joe
mailto:joe@gophercentral.com
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-Craig Ferguson
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[Following are some very funny spelling bloopers caught in
local newspapers, publications and various emails. See if
you can catch the goofs.]
1. "...an autopsy to determine if the elderly man lost
courteousness for medical reasons." (Trenton, N.J.)
2. "[An NBA coach] will take charge of a young team still in
the throws of a roster overhaul." (Vernon, Conn.)
3. "'It's pretty exciting,' according to his material grand-
mother." (Potsdam, N.Y.)
4. "The MCCC fight team won 21 out of 32 awards and brought
home nine metals." Including the gold? (Trenton, N.J.)
5. "McNabb...exasperated the injury attempting to chase down
Dallas Cowboys safety Roy Williams." (Trenton, N.J.)
6. "Boxer Pups AKC, 1M, 1F, Bread for Health and
Temperament." (e-mail)
7. "[Paris Hilton] was probably going through cocaine
withdrawls." Is she from the South? (Sunnyvale, Calif.)
8. "Our lunch menu [includes] a variety of hot entrees and
tempting deserts." Presumably also hot. (Upper Saint Clair,
Pa.)
9. "Vincent was a brawny Swiss ex-patriot." (San Jose,
Calif.)
10. "...those who acquaint shopping with charity."
(Simsbury, Conn.)
----
Corrections: 1. consciousness 2. throes 3. maternal 4. medals
5. exacerbated 6. bred 7. withdrawals 8. desserts 9. expatriate
10. equate
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
Mary was married to a something of a chauvinist. They both
worked full time, but he never did anything around the house
and certainly....not any housework. That, he declared, was
'woman's work.'
One evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children
bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in
the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table,
complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately
wanted to know what was going on.
It turned out that her husband Charley had read a magazine
article that suggested working wives would be more
romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having
to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full-
time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends
in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked.
"Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even
cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the
laundry and put everything away."
"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know.
"Oh, that part didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too
tired."
____________________________________________________________
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