Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Good morning crew,

Sick again! And it's those little, walking Petri dishes at the school that did it. Coughing and sneezing all over me every afternoon. No matter what precautions I take getting some virus or other is inevitable.

I feel just horrible right now; my throat is burning, my head is throbbing, my eyes are aching and my nose is running.

Unfortunately, unlike those snot-nosed little kids who have an option NOT to go to class when they are sick, it is my job to show up and teach.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don't think I'm doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing Texas Hold 'Em." -Jay Leno

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"A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you're one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A new study shows that eating bacon can lower a man's chances of getting a woman pregnant. Scientists are calling it alarming. Men are calling it a win-win." -Conan O'Brien

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The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.

"Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to retire six over-aged destroyers."

To which the husband replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear your mother will be out of work."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Even though my Ecuadoran son-in-law is fluent in English, he translates some figures of speech too literally. When I commented that he and my daughter are about the same age, but she looks much younger, he agreed.

"Yes," he said. "A lot of people think I stole the crib."