Monday, March 24, 2014

Good morning crew,

A friend of mine called me up this weekend and told me he found some rifles for sale online at a really good price. While I own a handgun I have never owned a rifle before, but he said that at this price if there was ever a time to buy one this was the time.

Not being in a position to make these kinds of decisions in complete isolation anymore, I mentioned the idea to the wife.

He immediate response was, "A handgun I can understand, for self defense, but why in the world would you ever need something like that?"

"I don't want to imagine a situation where I needed a rife and didn't have one!" I replied.

She shook her head at me and said, "The only reason you would ever need that kind of rife is if there were a zombie apocalypse or something like that."

"So!" I cried, "you admit there is a situation where I would need it!"

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

***
"The movie 'Noah' is an adaptation from the Bible, of course. For some of you young people, the Bible is like a long papery tweet from God." -Craig Ferguson

***
"The Obama administration announced it is going to require colleges and vocational schools to demonstrate that they are properly preparing students for jobs after college. So don't be surprised if your chemistry class tomorrow is all about how to make a cappuccino." -Seth Meyers

***
"Best Buy will start selling solar panels in an effort to promote energy conservation. Best Buy says you can find the panels right next to the 300 flat-screen TVs they leave on all day." -Jimmy Fallon

***
Wayne, a friend of mine, owns an auto-repair business. One day a woman called to inquire when he could work on her car. "I'm not busy now," he replied. "bring it right in."

A short time later, the woman pulled into the service bay, stopping her small car perfectly over the wide, deep grease pit.

"Wow!" Remarked Wayne. "That's great driving. Your wheels only have a couple of inches to spare on each side of the pit."

She looked blankly at him and asked, "What pit?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
We were taking six children on a camping trip. I drove the lead car with our gear, and my husband followed in the station wagon. At a tollbooth, I realized that we hadn't divided the cash supply, and my husband didn't have any money. I paid a double toll, explaining to the woman attendant, "I'm paying for the car behind me. He has all those children and no money."

Without cracking a smile, she replied, "Good! Keep him that way."