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Thursday, July 10, 2014Good morning crew,
Good afternoon Joe,
Although you do not know me from Adam, I have been a faithful reader of yours for years. I feel like I know you, and in fact consider you almost a close friend. As your friend, I thought I would let you know that you only sent out 4 jokes today instead of the customary 5 (3 short, 2 med/long). Because of our friendship, I can let it go and move on, but I'd hate to see your readership lessen because they feel like you are lessening up on what they crave during the work day...JOKES!!!
Please make it right tomorrow and give us 6 jokes.
Faithful reader, and loyal friend,
Joshua [Let it never be said that I didn't do the least I could do, so here is a bonus joke...]
Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, the first guy said, "Panty stitcher...I sew the elastic onto women's panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
The second guy was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied.
Diesel fitter is listed as a skilled job, so the clerk gave the second guy $600 a week. When the first guy found out he was furious. He stormed into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled, and diesel fitters are skilled labor."
"What skill?!" yelled the panty stitcher. "I sew the elastic and...he pulls on it and says, "Yep, dese'll fit 'er."
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.comP.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
GopherArchives***"Congrats to Joey Chestnut. He won his eighth consecutive Hot Dog Eating Contest. Unfortunately, the win was overshadowed when his rival, Johnny Hot Dog, won his ninth consecutive Chestnut Eating Contest." -Jimmy Fallon
***"It's a great day to be in Spain because today's the annual Running of the Bulls. The tradition started in the 1500s. Instead of saying it is too dangerous, they'd say 'You know, if we got drunk enough we could turn this into a festival.'" -Craig Ferguson
***"An 81-year-old woman in the U.K. went sky diving to help raise money for a local hospital. They didn't raise a lot of money, but they did get a new patient." -Seth Meyers
***A man goes into a restaurant, sits down at a table and an attractive young waitress comes for his order. He gives her a smile and says, "I want a quickie."
She turns red in the face and ahems, "Sir, I don't know what kind of restaurant you're used to eating in, but I can assure you you're not going to get a quickie here!"
"How disappointing," the man replied. "Could you ask the chef to make an exception?"
"He doesn't have anything to do with it!" says the waitress indignantly.
"Hmmm," do you know anywhere around here where I could get a quickie?"
"I'm SURE I don't know," answers the waitress loudly.
A patron from the next table leans over and taps the man on the shoulder, "I think it's pronounced QUICHE."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied."