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Clean Laffs - I don't have to impress the neighbors.
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Monday, December 12, 2016
Good morning crew,
I might be getting too comfortable in my bathrobe. It is becoming a staple of my at-home attire. This Sunday afternoon, for example, after we got a dusting of a few inches of snow I slipped on my boots and my lambskin hat, and wrapped only in my bathrobe I went outside to shovel off the front porch and walkway. It was almost 30 degrees after all. Practically a spring day.
When I came back in 20 minutes later the wife took one look at me and said, "Don't tell me you were you outside shoveling dressed like that!"
"What?" I retorted, giving myself a once-over. "You can't see anything."
"What are the neighbor's going to think?"
"Hey," I told her, "you can be glad I bothered to put pants on."
Laugh it up,
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"Starbucks is planning to open Italian bakeries in New York City and Chicago that will serve pizza. Good, because if there's anywhere you can't get a good slice of pizza, it's NEW YORK CITY and CHICAGO." -Jimmy Fallon
"The CEO of Lego will be replaced next year. The new CEO's head is being snapped on as we speak." -Conan O'Brien
"It's that time of year when people like to cozy up next to their loved ones near the fire - until Sunday, that is, because according to a recent study of social media, Dec. 11 is the day when are you most likely to be dumped by your boyfriend or girlfriend. Great, just another thing to put on your list of things to do for the holidays. 'Let's see - shopping's done, presents are wrapped, what's left? Oh, yeah! Mark, we need to talk.'" -James Corden
One of my customers at the department of motor vehicles wanted a personalized license plate with his wedding anniversary on it. As we completed the paperwork he explained, "This way I can't forget the date."
A few hours later, I recognized the same young man waiting in my line again. When his turn came, he said somewhat sheepishly, "I need to change the numbers on that plate application."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A teacher was finishing up a lesson on the joys of discovery and the importance of curiosity. "Where would we be today," she asked, "if no one had ever been curious?"
One child quietly spoke up from the back of the room. "Still in the Garden of Eden?"
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