Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Good morning crew,

While my long-time readers know me to be fastidious in my habits, abstemious in my indulgences and orthodox in my tastes, my wife, on the other hand, is a bit addicted to personal gratification. Consequently, since we were quite literally five minutes away from Horseshoe Casino last weekend while attending Pierogi Fest, she talked me into making a stop there on the way home.

Normally, my policy of strict fiscal responsibility would preclude such a waste of good money, but the wife received in the mail a voucher from the Horseshoe for a free $50's worth of play, so the way she put it, it would actually be like throwing money away not to go.

Once there, she disappeared among the slot machines and I was left nursing a beverage, an island in the middle of a sea of depravity.

She was taking an awfully long time with that 50 bucks, which I assumed was because she was running it up to a mortgage payment, so I found myself casually drifting toward the roulette table. When I got there a place opened up for me so conveniently that I couldn't help bellying up to the rail and pulling out a 50 of my own, more out of boredom than anything else.

Since I was expecting the wife back any second I didn't want to goof around with a bunch of small bets, so I put the whole thing on red, and wouldn't you know it...red came up.

Just like that I had paid for for about half of the entire day's expenses. Needless to say I was feeling pretty good about myself. But there I was, standing there with $100 worth of chips and the wife was still MIA.

So, after giving her a good, long wait of about 60 seconds, in a fit of pierogi-fueled mania, I dumped the whole thing back down on the table. Normally I do not exhibit this kind of bravado, I actually turned away while the wheel was spinning because I couldn't bear to watch my money disappear, but when I looked back I had doubled my money again.

Fortunately, the wife showed up shortly thereafter. She had lost, but it didn't matter, because she only lost the casino's money while was walking away fifty bucks ahead, even after expenses.

That is a good way to pay for your fun, if you can swing it.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"There is a big movie opening today - 'Wolverine.' In the new movie, Wolverine goes to Japan. Over in Japan, they don't call him Wolverine, of course. They call him 'Big Fuzzy-Head Man.'" -Craig Ferguson

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"In a speech about the economy, President Obama said we've all been distracted by phony scandals. It?s time we started getting distracted by the phony recovery." -Jay Leno

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"A new study found that kids have better relationships with their parents if they are friends with them on Facebook. That's good because if you're a kid who's friends with your parents on Facebook, chances are you're not really friends with anyone else." -Jimmy Fallon

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A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an academic function, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband.

When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said with appreciation. "It's my old Plymouth!"