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Wednesday, January 14, 2015Good morning crew,
My more observant readers might notice that today's, Wednesday's, issue of Clean Laffs is a bit late. As it turns out, despite all of my supplements, my vitamin C, and my obsession with rubbing everything with alcohol, I still managed to catch my wife's cold. When I woke up yesterday morning my head felt like a bag of wet oatmeal, so I decided to do myself and everybody at the office a favor and just stay home with a box of throat lozenges and plenty of hot tea.
It didn't work. I feel just as bad today, but I can't sit at home drinking hot toddies and watching daytime TV forever. Everybody else in the office will just have to deal with a little sniffling and sneezing. It's good for 'em. Stimulates the immune system.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.comP.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
GopherArchives***"Here in California today, they broke ground on the construction of a high-speed bullet train that will allow people to travel from L.A. to San Francisco in less than three hours. Until it's built we'll have to settle for flying there in 90 minutes." -Jimmy Kimmel
***"The FDA is warning New Yorkers about Chinese food after a major Brooklyn distributor was found with rats and birds nesting in boxes of ingredients. The distributor says it's all a misunderstanding - those ARE the ingredients." -Seth Meyers
***"A guy had a job and it turned out he didn't show up for 25 years. Finally, his boss discovered he wasn't showing up and fired him. So let this be a lesson to you kids out there. If you don't go to work for 25 years, you're gonna get fired." -Dave Letterman
***After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it was out of gas. A passer-by told me there was a service station a half-mile away, so I took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun.
The attendant filled my two-gallon can, and I lugged it back and poured the gas into the tank. But when I tried to unlock the car door, it wouldn't open. Just then, I noticed an identical old car parked a short distance away. That was my car; I had filled a stranger's gas tank.
Wearily I walked back to the station. "You know," the attendant suggested helpfully, "instead of walking back and forth to fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons in the tank and then drive the car here."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.
The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan and put his face in his hands.
He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.
"Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious."
"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"