Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Good morning crew,
I finally forced myself to go back to the health club after being sick for about a month. Well, not 'finally' finally. I did go back last week, but coughing and wheezing on the tread mill for ten minutes before nearly passing out in a feverish sweat hardly counts as a work out.
It is really depressing how fast I lost my strength and stamina after such a short break. It's almost like spending four weeks sitting on the sofa, treating my sinus infection with nightly doses of whiskey was bad for my body.
But, I have to do it. If I give up on myself now I'll never be able to take my clothes off in public again.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.com
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
GopherArchives
***
"Starbucks announced today that they are introducing a new Caramelized Honey Frappuccino to their menu. And then your dentist announced he's buying a new boat." -Seth Meyers
***
"Yesterday, President Obama arrived in Cuba, a formerly hostile territory. Tomorrow, he returns to Washington, a currently hostile territory." -Conan O'Brien
***
"According to a new study, the larger the age difference between married couples, the more likely they are to get a divorce. Or as gold-diggers call that, 'the point.'" -Jimmy Fallon
***
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The nurse asked for my height and weight and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage on the neighbor's back porch, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stumbles around and says, "No.. umm.. no.. I didn't. what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after the kids buried him in the backyard we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"